Dear Abby: My friends say I should only date men of my own race

Dear ABBY: As a 22-year-old gay man, I’ve tried dating apps to no avail. One guy was 10 years older than me, ex-military (Air Force) and extremely clingy in the early hours of texting. He said he was “deeply in love with me”, “wanted a future with me”, etc.

The other guys I tried to talk to never tried to carry on a conversation. I don’t know what to do. Several colleagues and friends I mentioned this to said I should only look at men of my own race. I don’t care about race. I have seen many men, regardless of race, abuse their partners.

I’m interested in the characteristics that make someone nice to be around. What are their hobbies? What direction are they looking to take their career? How do they work in the kitchen? So they keep things tidy? Also, I’m not much for parties, drinking and casual sex.

I would like to find a guy for me, but there aren’t many LGBTQ areas where I am currently. I feel like I’ll be alone for longer than I hope. I’m trying to focus on school and work, but it would be nice to have a special someone. Any tips? – FAILURE IN NORTH CAROLINA

Dear Failure: Make sure you don’t use dating apps that are hookup oriented. Instead, look for those who are relationship-oriented. They are there. Also, make it a priority to visit the nearest big city and go to the LGBTQ community center so you can meet new people with similar interests. While I can’t guarantee you’ll find romance, you might make some lasting friends.

Dear ABBY: I have been taking care of my elderly mother in my home for 15 years. I have four brothers who live overseas. It’s getting harder and harder for me emotionally to see Mom getting older and the struggles that come with it. My brothers don’t call or visit often. I keep reminding them to call mom regularly because she needs contact, but every now and then they fail us. We are five hours away, but they only visit us once or twice a year.

In three months, I will be taking early retirement so I can move back to their state to be closer to them and Mom can see them and her many grandchildren and great-grandchildren more often. How can I stop resenting those who didn’t grow up? I love my mother and have gladly sacrificed so much, but I expected others to do better. — Disappointed Brother IN MISSOURI

Dear Brother: I understand your frustration, but have you considered that your brothers may have circumstances in their lives that draw attention to them such as wives, families, and jobs that prevent them from being as present in their mother’s life as you were? Calm the anger. The move you’re making may enable them—and their wives and children—to spend more time with him. However, before you move, this is something you should discuss thoroughly with your siblings to make sure that what you hope for will happen.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.